Coming off of this fast has been a lot easier than I anticipated…so far. My smoothies on Friday were spectacular…albeit a bit sour with the first one. (One whole, moderately ripe lime was too much.) I went to our Adult Retreat over the weekend and was surrounded by food, but did pretty well limiting my portion sizes and my sweets intake. And my stomach appreciated it.
My disappointment came on Sunday afternoon and evening. We had leftover sweets at home – really good and really sweet! We also had Girl Scout cookies that I bought but my family has been eating without me. All told, I had cookies after church, then at home one Turtle Brownie, three Nanaimo Bars, and four Girl Scout cookies. And I was like a fiend looking for more to eat. I looked at my typical “snacks” (although you can tell by my portion size that they really qualify more as meals than snacks) and realized that I had been consuming a huge amount of calories in snacks.
I was disappointed in how quickly I fell into old habits. I was disappointed to realize how poor my diet was in the past. I am disappointed to realize more fully how long and hard this journey that I have begun to travel is going to be. I always knew that the initial 30 days would be easy compared to living a healthier and more just lifestyle.
Furthermore, I am not alone. I have a wife and children who don’t necessarily share my desire for a healthier lifestyle. (In many ways, theirs was already healthier than mine.) I’d like to see us move away from red meat and add more whole grains to our diet. To some extent, I can simply decide for the kids on the nights that I am cooking, but I can’t make them eat what I cook or be happy with it. I have a long road ahead of me and retraining myself and teaching my children how our food choices don’t only impact our lives, but the lives of others as well.
I guess you might say that I was just plain naive to think that the real change would happen in the 30 easy days rather than in the lifetime that follows. But I know that I don’t want to go back. I feel much better than I did before. I don’t want the weight back that I’ve lost (21 pounds was the final total). I don’t want the heaviness in my stomach or my emotions. I don’t want the guilt. And I don’t want the long-term impacts on my health, my family and the world that my previous lifestyle had.
And so, the journey begins. Pray with me that the journey would go well, that I can stay the course and offer grace to myself when I fall back. And pray that over the long run, some real good would come of this fast.
